Thursday, December 18, 2014

Why You Shouldn't Listen to Anyone About Family Planning

I realize the irony of this post.  Because clearly, I'm going to give you my advice on family planning.  But I'd like to think it's the 'anti-advice'.  So bear with me.

I don't know if it's just me being a brat, but I don't like people telling me what to do.  I didn't as a little kid.  And I still don't.  It's not that I won't listen to instruction or heed advice.  But when someone TELLS me what to do (and it's not said in love) I really could care less about anything they have to say.  Perhaps it's the tone of their voice.  Perhaps it's me still learning how to let things roll off of me.  But at 31 years old, I still don't care for it.  So when people TOLD me that I needed to have kids, you can pretty much guess what I thought of their advice.

So, with that being said.  Here's one person's opinion on how you should handle family planning, and a small list of my thoughts on various statements that I have heard over the years.

1. 'Well, it's about time for you to have kids, right?': Well, I don't know.  Isn't that for my husband and I to decide?  Having kids isn't like paying a bill.  There's really no date that you're due (unless you're pregnant!). Just because a couple has been married for a couple of years doesn't mean it's 'time'.  Everyone's time is different.  Some people want children right away, and others want to wait a little while.  Who are we to really say?  I don't think anyone should have disdain over people's choices in this matter.  I realize that there is never a 'right' time to have kids, but I think the more important question to ask yourself is 'can I picture my life 20 years from now, and be happy with the idea that I don't have children?'  Atleast, that's the question I had to ask myself.  Because I'm one of those people that I don't think I'll ever feel 'ready'.  I'm just wound a little too tight for that. But I COULD tell myself 'I know I'll regret not being a mom'.  Which, for me, was how I knew I was as ready as I'll ever be.

2. 'God wants you to have kids': There's no question that God loves life!  He describes each person who chooses to accept Him into their heart, His 'child'.  He loves family.  There are examples of Him performing miracles so that women who couldn't have children, DID.  There's also a number of people in the Bible who didn't have children.  Paul, being my favorite example.  And goodness, Jesus himself didn't have children.  They didn't even choose to get married.  Their life was completely devoted to their cause of spreading God's word.  So, ultimately, a person needs to search their own HEART on this matter.  Listen to what God is telling you.  The whole 'be fruitful and multiply' does not apply to everyone.  Also, that was said in Genesis to TWO people, and there was literally no one else on earth.  I mean, they kinda needed to take that advice to heart.

3. 'Don't you want kids out of the house by the time you're 50?': I'm sorry, WHAT?!  So, I should plan to have kids, so I can then plan when they will be gone and out of my house?  That makes sense, and is a super good reason to have them (said in a sarcastic tone).  I don't know what'll be going on when I'm 50, but whether my kids are home or not, I really hope that they love me enough to hang around with me.  Also, there are plenty of variables between now and then.  What if I have a serious health problem and I'm not here anymore by the time I'm 50?  What if we have a child that needs to stay with us into adulthood because of disability or some injury?  What if, what if, what if.  This argument is so silly to me, because you can't plan the future.  I mean, you can dream, visualize, hope, and certainly plan as best you can.  But ultimately, we don't KNOW.  Especially when that planning is dependent on other people.

Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is, you and your spouse plan on when the time is right for you to have children.  Do not let other people's statements deter you one way or the other.  Because for these three statements that were said towards me about having kids, I can tell you that people who DO have kids right away hear equally bizarre things.  Which leads me to believe, you just can't win.  You will never please others.  So why not just do it the way you want, and that your heart is leading you to go.  Children are a truly precious gift, and an amazing responsibility that parents are given.  Don't go into something like that lightly.  You are teaching someone how to lead a beautiful, wonderful life.  So, do the best with what you have, and close your ears on the naysayers.  They'll always be there no matter what you do.

Thanks for reading!

 
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2 comments:

  1. I completely agree. My husband and I get this all the time with our decision to have one child. The things that are said to us are really mind-boggling. Everyone has the right to decide how they want to conceive, when they do so and how many children are right for their family, its no one else's business!

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  2. I couldn't agree MORE Em! It's so crazy to me that people can have such strong opinions about our lives when it has very little to do with them. But, in fact, people just gotta say what they want to say. So, I do my best to nod and smile, or, I tell them what I really think, haha, but either way, my mind is made up ;)

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