Friday, January 30, 2015

IVF and 'Dumpster Babies': It's Not Fair

If you happen to be going through a difficult period of time...I think it's pretty inevitable that you start playing the comparison game.  You see others succeeding at something that you're not, and you start to wonder 'why me?!'

I am certainly no exception to this.  So, as this IVF process has continued, I've had the unfortunate experience of coming across stories in the news about child abuse, babies being thrown in the trash, and I even heard one story of a baby being thrown in the recycling.

Seriously?!  That child was IN you.  You felt it kick, you felt it grow, how can you throw it away?  Or hurt it?!  How can someone be given such a precious little gift and then toss it in the trash?  These are the questions that often came to my mind as a counselor, and I met face to face with people who did those things.  And you can believe, it has come to my mind now.

Then, inevitably, I ask myself the same question that every couple who is going through IVF always asks:

Why does it seem so EASY for other people, and I have to go through ALL of this?

Gosh.  Even writing that sentence is heartbreaking.  But, this is a bit of a raw post, so I'm going to go there for a second.

However, let me put a bit of a disclaimer for myself: I do know some women who go through this have a really hard time going to baby showers, being happy for their friends who are pregnant, that hasn't been me.  Alteast not at this point.  My friends and family are pretty amazing people, and I just know that they are going to be great moms, or, already are.  I'm truly happy for them, and I can celebrate with them in a genuine way.  The thing that bothers me, is when I read articles or come across people that do NOT appreciate that gift.

I want to throw something out there, that I hope, will help other women like me, or, if you are reading this, and going through your own trial, and inevitably ask yourself that same terrible question of 'why me?'

We have often heard that comparison is the thief of joy.  And boy, I believe it.  Comparing myself to others when I am in the midst of something that I literally have no control over, is a surefire way for me to feel worse about it.  And that's really all there is to it.  I don't know of one person who it has benefited.  So, I say, it's time to stop the madness.

How do you stop comparing?  A very easy exercise that I do is this: I write down what I DO have.

This helped me when I had literally been crying for hours after my husband left for deployment.  And it's helping me now.  And if you're really down, start with the very basics, then that will help you lead to the things that truly bring joy into your life.  Here is an example:

Here's what I've Got: (that's how I start mine, because, frankly, I'm usually in a bad mood!)

-food
-my health
-a nice home to live in
-a husband who loves me
-family who loves me
-friends who love me
-Jordan sends me encouraging texts when he's gone (I love that!)
-Natalie told me she was praying for me today
-my friend is giving me a place to stay while I'm here and we laughed until we cried yesterday

See?  Start with the basics, then get more specific.  I promise.  When you are done with the list, you may not forget why you were upset, but you will know that in the big scheme of things, you've got a lot MORE blessing than you do trials.

Give it a shot.  Then, do it each morning, and try to add to the list.  Because comparison is going to steal ALL of that from you if you let it.  You're stronger than that.  Try it out.  Let me know how it works for you.  You've got this <3



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