Monday, February 2, 2015

IVF: With Perseverence, We Eagerly Wait

This is a bit of the awkward part about sharing your journey.  It's not always sunshine, and things just go wrong no matter how hard you try.  But, I want to be open and share this, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because I want you to see hope in your own life.

On Thursday, I received some heartbreaking news.  My body was not responding to the medication I'd been injecting myself with as quickly as my doctors had hoped.  And it was suggested that I cancel my IVF cycle.

Honestly, I didn't see it coming.  I thought the hard part was over.  After all, we had male factor infertility, so I thought that when it came to me, there would be no problems.  But my plans are almost never what actually happens, and this was no exception.

I cried.  A lot.  Sitting in that doctor's office without my was just tough.  I felt like I had failed somehow.  That I'd done something wrong.  Maybe I'd not done the shots quite right?  Can my diet help?  Is there anything I should have done that I wasn't doing?  These were my pleading questions to the doctor.  She assured me that I did everything I needed to do (which really wasn't too assuring), and that some people just respond more slowly than  others, and I happened to be one of those people.

They told me I could wait until Saturday, to have one final appointment to see if there were any changes at all.  So, I opted for that.

Saturday has come and gone, and I am now sitting in my home, with all my medication put away for now.  I feel good about our decision to wait until the next cycle.  It's a hard choice to make, but it seemed our best chance was to start off on the correct dosage of medication the next time around, and have the opportunity for optimum results.

We just have to wait a little over a month before we start again, and we're very hopeful (as well as the doctors) for the next cycle.

My heart is a little broken.  I'm worried about how all of this will line up with my husband's completely insane work schedule.  And I'm also realizing that this just isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would.

On Saturday morning, before my appointment, I read the verse that you see in the graphic below.  I didn't plan on it, it was just the verse that was part of the bible study I'm doing.  And I knew that I was meant to read it that day.  Yet again, God was asking me to wait eagerly and with perseverance.  Gosh, what an oxymoron, right?  Wait with perseverance?!  What does that even mean?  To me, it meant that I shouldn't give up.  That I can't let this setback keep me discouraged.  That there is still much hope in the future of this path that we're going down.  That's what it meant.

God asks us to do hard waiting.  Seriously, who likes to wait?  I don't.  But that's often what's asked of us.

I'm not sure what you are waiting for.  It may be a medical issue, it might be a call back from job interview, or, it may be related to a relationship in your life.  But whatever it is, please know that there is not only a lesson in the midst of waiting, but there is a plan.  A hope.  A future.  Don't let the setbacks keep you down.  It's okay to be sad, but don't sit in that for long.  Because the longer you do, the more difficult it will be to get out of it.  Know that He is there.  Know that He has hope for you.


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