Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Sitting in a Parking Lot Crying is Normal, Right?: IVF and Hormones: They're Legit.

You know, when I thought I knew everything, (which seems to be less and less these days), and I heard a woman say, 'it's my hormones', I would smile and nod, but internally, I would roll my eyes.  I mean, come on, they are YOUR emotions, get a hold of yourself!  Control it!

But then, I went through IVF.

There have been a few moments that I knew 'this isn't me', and my husband can probably name a few more.  But yesterday, I had another one, and it yet again showed me that sometimes, you have to let the moment pass, and move on.

I was at the grocery store, and there was a mom about ready to put her son (he looked to be about 2 or 3, I'm terrible at guessing ages!) in the car, when a firetruck pulled in the parking lot and the little guy started waving and clapping.  The firemen got out of the truck, and the mom said 'you made his day!', there was no emergency, maybe they were on a lunch break, so, they came over to the mom and her son, and started asking if he wanted to sit in the truck, and then, that was all I saw, I had to get to my car, because my eyes were filling up with tears.  It could have been a lot of things about that scenario that touched me; the kindness of the firemen, the innocence and excitement of the little boy, but more than likely, I think it was the mom able to share a really cool moment with her son, that I'm sure she snapped pictures of and posted them on her Facebook.

I sat in the car, and cried.  Not like, a sob.  Just enough that I really had to just let the tears flow for a minute, and then pull out of the parking lot.

Hormones, people.  They are legit.

This wouldn't have happened if I wasn't taking them three times a day (yep, you continue them even after your transfer), not to mention, the three OTHER hormones that I was taking just a little over a week ago.  I would have thought that scene was cute and touching, but there is no way that I would have cried.

So, this is a shout out to all my 'hormonal' friends.  Because, I personally, felt a little ridiculous yesterday.  But then, I thought about it when I got home, and I just thought, whether I think this isn't my usual normal or not, it's my new normal, and life goes on.  If I cry in a parking lot, chalk it up to the hormones, but there's no reason to get down on myself over it, or, think that I'm ridiculous, or any of the other negative self-talk that goes on.  This is a process.  And, just because people can't SEE hormones the way they could if I had a broken leg, doesn't mean that it isn't a struggle.

I don't know how you handle problems.  But for me, it's best if I recognize them, and then figure out a way to either work through them, or, accept them, and move on.  I prefer to work through them.  But, I mean, if all goes well, hormones are going to be a part of my life for the next nine months, so, I've got to accept that this is how I am at times, and then MOVE ON.  I am a 'sit and stew' person, which, makes this even more of a challenge.  But, I am determined to figure out how to work this out, and instead of sit and stew, my plan is to 'move and do!'

If this is you.  If you are taking medication that is adding to your hormone level and you keep thinking (or maybe screaming in my case), to yourself, 'this isn't me!', you are not alone, my friend.  And there is no SHAME in this.  I think that accepting it and talking about it, is one of the best things we can do, instead of sitting and thinking to ourselves that we're crazy.

I'm not.
You're not.

In my case, I'm trying very hard to have a family, which is GOOD.  But sometimes (actually most times), when we are doing good things, it can affect us in negative ways.  But that's when we've got to pull up our big girl panties (that's right), and talk to someone about it, and accept that we need help.  Asking for help is not weakness.  I think that's the biggest lie that society can ever tell us.  And I for one, am doing my best to break that down, one blog post at a time.

Don't give up on you.  I certainly won't.  <3


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