Saturday, February 27, 2016

Top 3 Reasons Why Military Homecomings are 'The Notebook' Rain Scene Worthy

Have you ever dreamed of a moment in your life where it could genuinely feel like a scene from a movie....not like...Fight Club movie, but more like, The Notebook kissing in the rain type scene?

That's what this post is about.

So if you don't want to hear about anything mushy, sentimental, sappy, or any of those adjectives, this won't be the post for you.

1. Don't Feel Sorry for Military Spouses: A lot of times I receive comments like 'I don't know how you do it', and 'thank you for your sacrifice'.  And I'm not going to be one of those people that goes off about how that's secretly rude, because frankly, I don't think it is.  I know where it comes from, and it comes from a good place.  Most people do not have to deal with the idea that their spouse is in danger on a regular basis, that they have a highly unpredictable schedule, and, the spouses life is VERY much affected by the job.  And in those statements, that's what's being recognized, which is so kind.

I could go on about how spouses are affected by their jobs, but most reasons are pretty obvious.  And it's those reasons that compel people to say 'I don't know how you do it!'.  Well, first and foremost I do it because I love that guy with all my heart.  And, I would challenge that if anyone else was in my spot, they'd feel the same way.  That's not to say I get giddy when I legit don't know when he's coming home from work from day to day, or that plans have to have the ability to change on a dime, or that there are times when I honestly don't know where he is or what he's doing.  Those things suck.  And I don't think I'm any better than anyone else in dealing with them.  There have been times when I have been angry, sad, fearful, and if I'm not careful, even resentful of those things.  It has taken a lot of WORK on my part to handle my attitude when that junk's either that, or stay miserable, or try to change things you can't change, or make my husband's life miserable because I'm me, I have tried these things, and they fail horribly, and they aren't fun.  So, you suck it up.  You figure out ways to make the craziness work for you.  I have found my way for the most part with this, other spouses find theirs.  Trust me, it's so important to be SEPARATE from their job and what they do.  Atleast for me.  My identity is not in what my husband does, and  although I am SO proud of him, HE accomplished those goals.  Not me.  I know that I support him, but honestly, I've gotta do my own thing.  That's just how I roll.  So, surprisingly, him doing what he does, allows me FREEDOM to do what I want.  Do I have to get creative in how that looks?  Yep.  But you know what?  I don't see that as a TETHER, I see that as a way for me think outside the box and live a life that allows me to see family when I want, go on vacations with friends, work REALLY hard on my business and not have to feel guilty about time away from him because, well, he's already away.  I can invest in friendships with other wives and be a support to them.  None of that would happen in the same way if he wasn't in the military.  So, don't feel bad for me.  I love my life, and I love that he loves what he does.  

2. You Get that Rain Scene...but in Real Life:  I know people who are married clearly get a wedding day.  But do you get a wedding day over and over?  Not likely.  But I do, heehee.  The day of homecoming is SO exciting.  I personally love the anticipation of it.  Having been through two now,  and both of them have been very different, I can say with great assurance, no matter what the day ends up looking like, you get your happy ending.  The first time he came home, I picked out a dress, I was in the best shape of my life (thanks Tony Horton!), the house was perfect, I had a table of gifts for him (more on this later), in short, I made a BIG deal about it.  Some people don't like that, and that's totally fine, but all of this is really, really fun for me.  The second time he came home, I wasn't entirely sure when, he ended up coming home really late at night, I was in my pj's and six months pregnant.  But none of that mattered.  That moment when I threw my hands around his neck was still the same, and still something I will always keep in my heart.  That first time when you SEE's just the best feeling in the entire world.  It's like Disney World, Christmas, Wedding Day all rolled into one.  It's different depending on the branch of military, but in my case, I waited six months for that moment.  Six MONTHS.  That was six months of sleeping in the middle of the bed, six months of dealing with repairs (because everything breaks when they leave), six months of going solo to church, six months of no tv buddy at get the idea.  But in that moment, ALL of that is gone, and it's like you forget it all, and what's REALLY cool, is that you appreciate those moments even MORE.

-Holding Hands while sitting on the couch, or walking through the grocery store?  Magical.

-Going to unload the dishwasher and it's already done?  Be still my heart!

-Helping to weigh in on important decisions for the house, finances, and car?  Thank the Lord!

-Waking up and he's right there beside me?  100% Amazing.

In other words, everything is like NEW again.  It's another honeymoon, and we didn't even have to go anywhere.  Now, obviously, that doesn't last forever, and things go back to what our normal looks like.  And, there is definitely a readjustment period.  My husband has not, to my knowledge, experienced significant trauma or injury while he's away, and I realize that many times spouses and the military member has to deal with this when they come home.  Our biggest trial is reminding him that yes, the toilet seat goes down.  So, I say all of this with that being my experience.

3. You Get to Spoil Them: Again, this is me writing this, and I seriously love to celebrate people.  It's just fun for me.  And, that bleeds over into homecoming.  I mentioned earlier, my 'table of gifts', and, although this wasn't my plan, I noticed that when I was out and about, or when I was thinking about my husband, I would sometimes think 'oh, he would LOVE this!', and then I would buy it.  The gifts are typically not a big deal (one of them was a tin coffee mug), but over six months time, they added up, hence, the table of gifts.  This was more for me than it was for him honestly.  My husband is pretty low key, and had I not thought of this, I don't think he would have cared either way, but now that I do it, he loves it!  I found that it was a positive way for me to miss him and think about him, and then, put it into action by actually purchasing whatever the gift is.  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I put that energy into thinking about how much he'll appreciate whatever the item is.  It works for me, and I love it.  Pictured below, is this year's table of gifts:

I'll do other things too to let him know how much I appreciate that he's home, like making sure the house looks good, the fridge is stocked with his favorite food and drinks, things like that.  Again, I LOVE to host, I love to make people feel special, so, if this isn't your thing, or sounds too Martha Stewart-like for you, that's fine.  Sometimes women are embarrassed to admit that they like this stuff because it sounds too 1950's housewife type stuff....but I don't think so.  If this is your gift, then own it.  It doesn't matter what year it is, people like to know that you've prepared for their arrival, that they were thought of, and that you care about their needs.  It's a way to know that we are loved and appreciated.  So, let that gift shine in you if you have it!

So, that's why I think Homecomings are awesome.  Something so wonderful doesn't come about without lots of hard work, lots of moments when you miss them terribly, and so, as many wonderful 'movie like' moments in life, Homecomings are incredibly special because you had to go through a lot to get to them.

It's the heartache that makes your heart full.
The tears you cry alone are now tears of joy.
The twinge of pain your felt when you saw couples, is now overflowing love.

In other words, it's the difficulty that makes that moment perfection.

And I wouldn't say that I love that, that would be weird.  But I will say, I now know why those moments are so wonderful, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Thanks for reading friends.


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